


what it is to be young and in love

by favefangirl



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Smut, New York City, One Night Stands, POV Jace Wayland, Prompt Fill, Sad Ending, Shy Alec Lightwood, jaia brotp, kind of, lots of use of the word fuck, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 04:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14012673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/favefangirl
Summary: |To be young and in love in New York CityTo not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with meTo be drunk and in love in New York CityMidnight into morning coffeeBurning through the hours talking|It starts as nothing, but becomes so much more.





	what it is to be young and in love

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on this prompt:  
>  **I like me better by lauv, jalec!** by [foshriizzle](https://foshriizzle.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> I'm not sure how much I like [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7fzkqLozwA) but the lyrics were pretty inspirational, so it's okay, I guess.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine, and I would appreciate them being pointed out just please be polite or I may cry. Thanks!

**1)**  
Blue-Eyes tastes better than my drink. Sweeter.  
More likely to get me intoxicated.  
He's making these magical little noises,  
and I'm so far gone it's not even funny.  
There's no way I'm leaving the bar alone tonight.

He said his name is Alec. Alexander. Alec. Lightwood.  
Stumbled over his words like he was scared that if he didn't  
say them fast enough,  
I would leave.  
His body is pressed firm against mine and I'm not going anywhere.

His kisses are tentative, but I can deal with that.  
His touches are fleeting and at first I thought he was teasing.  
But he's not.  
He's shy.  
That's so fucking precious I don't know what to do with it.

He's not my usual type.  
I don't usually date anyone taller than me, but this -  
this isn't dating.  
I don't know if we'll exchange numbers post-coital in the morning,  
I just know that that's where we'll end up.

It's okay, though, I think.  
I don't think he's expecting anything more than this either.  
I press my knee between his thighs and he moans so high and loud  
I just know people around us turn and watch as he pants into my mouth  
and pushes himself closer.

I am going to devour him.  
I am going to take what I can and leave him satisfied.  
And I am not going to let these people watch as I take him apart -  
slowly and carefully and gentle as I can -  
because tonight Blue-Eyes is mine.

 **2)**  
I put my number in his phone.  
He said he didn't expect anything more than what I had given,  
but I held out my hand for his phone  
anyway.  
He blushes so pretty.

I kiss him before he leaves, chasing his taste one last time,  
though both our breaths are a little stale now.  
From the beer.  
From last night.  
From sleep.

I wound my arms around him and held him tight as he slept.  
He snored. A little. But not too much.  
He looked soft asleep, like something I had corrupted,  
but he had required little corrupting when I got my hands on his  
warm, pale skin.

I shower alone.  
I don't allow myself to dip my hands just that little bit lower,  
and re-imagine him sprawled out on my bed,  
breathless and wanting,  
because I don't have the time.

I am meeting my friends for brunch and I do not want them  
to chastise me for my antics as though they are my parents.  
If they ask I will tell them I went home last night with a guy  
but that is all I will say.  
Alec was mine, and mine alone.

When I meet my friends the first thing they notice is  
the bruise on my neck by my collar bone.  
And I smile because really it's nothing.  
Really they ought to see  
the other guy.

 **3)**  
Alec doesn't call for a few days and I tell myself I don't care.  
It was a one-night thing.  
It was fun, but that was all.  
And when I find myself staring at my phone, constantly checking for  
calls, I say there is no harm in checking.

My friends notice and tease me but it is as though I have grown  
immune to their jokes.  
As though I really don't care because Alec is more than worth their  
taunting and their banter.  
It's not their fault they never saw his beautiful blue eyes.

I find myself growing worried that, actually,  
Alec doesn't want to call.  
And that tantalising thought that he doesn't still wake in a sweat  
thinking of what we did together  
makes my heart pound hard and insistent in my chest.

Then, it rings.  
An unknown number appears and to avoid getting my hopes up  
I tell myself  
that is is just a cold caller wanting to sell me something that I really  
don't need.

But Alec's voice travels through the phone and my breath catches a  
little in my  
throat. Because he sounds just as shy, and tentative as when we  
first met  
and good god I still have no idea what to do with him.

Keep him, maybe, if I get the chance.  
As it stands, Alec wants to meet for coffee.  
And I don't want to get ahead of myself.  
So I agree politely and let him hang up  
first.

 **4)**  
Coffee tastes better when you're in good company and right now,  
I'm with the Alec.  
I'm with the best.  
Alec is still a confusing mixture of hot and adorable, but he is also  
more.

He tells jokes which surprise me in their lewdness and brazen,  
but also makes intelligent small talk about global issues and the  
state of the economy.  
He throws me a curve ball by asking about my hobbies right after  
innuendo about how the economy isn't the only thing CEOs are fucking.  
  
(Addendum:  
right now the only thing that is fucked  
\- with his blue eyes and beautiful smile  
both directed at me as though I'm the only thing that matters -  
_is_ me.)  


I am usually the master of seduction but in this quaint  
little coffee shop, I cannot help but wonder which one of us is  
seducing who.  
And I cannot help but wonder if Alec's very existence cannot be  
considered an act of seduction.

He drinks his coffee black and bitter  
(watching me over the brim of his cup with those gorgeous eyes)  
which surprises me because the alcohol he drinks is sickly sweet  
and I'm usually such a good judge of character. But  
I get the feeling that with Alec, he's always going to surprise me.

And after coffee when he invites me back to his place,  
well who am I to refuse.  
And I find he looks just as good splayed out on his own sheets  
as he does spread out on  
mine.

 **5)**  
Alec works at his father's architecture company building the city's  
famous skyscrapers, although he is bitter that these days he doesn't  
get to actually do much building. But he's fine in his office looking over  
figures and orders and planning permission as he gets a good view of  
what the company has built through his office window.

My office doesn't have a window and the only view I get is of the  
cubicles around me while I spend my days spell checking for idiots  
who believe they are the next Oscar Wilde.  
But it's fine because it's only temporary while I work my way up  
the ranks and write my own book while I'm at it.

This is a conversation we have at eleven one evening over the phone.  
I called him, and he answered on the second ring.  
We talk millions of nothings.  
I imagine him whispering into the darkness of his room, lying all cosy in  
his bed pretending that I am beside him.

Instead we are miles apart.  
We live across the city from each other, but I don't mind.  
I like the sub way and Alec is worth the trouble.  
We have had sex five times - each as amazing as the first -  
but I find that these are my fondest thoughts of Alec.

Out for lunch with the sun streaming in from a tall window,  
telling stories and jokes,  
looking bashful and beautiful all at the same time.  
He's so uncertain,  
it's like he doesn't even know the effects he has on me.

I like it best when we are both fully clothed,  
but his warmth is beside me,  
and his breath is hot on my ear as he tells me things,  
he trusts me enough for me to hear,  
and smiles all the while.

 **6)**  
My friends want to meet him.  
It's no surprise, really, when for almost three months I've been  
blowing them off to spend every second I can with  
Alec.  
And Alec wants to meet them.

They are the closest thing I have to a family.  
Clary and Simon are like the siblings I never had and Maia -  
Maia is my best friend.  
She knows me better than anyone and she's the only person who  
knows that I think I might be falling in love.

I haven't told Alec yet for fear of moving too fast.  
He stammered his way through asking me to be his official boyfriend,  
(as though the title meant something more than what  
we already had)  
and I don't want to spook him.

I think he feels the same though.  
I don't remember the last time I slept without him next to me.  
In his bed or mine.  
He fucks good and loves better and  
I think I might be falling in love with him.

And to say this was never meant to be more than a one night  
fling.  
He has cemented himself into my life without even trying and  
I cannot remember a time  
pre-Alec.

The New York night is almost as intoxicating as Alec.  
It's a perpetual reminder of why I love this city.  
The electricity in the air is palpable.  
I am with my friends and Alec  
and I am invincible.

 **7)**  
I wait and wait and wait to tell him until  
the words force their way out of my mouth  
kicking and screaming.  
My head is saying that he deserves to told every single day  
and I intend to.

He says it back.  
Not nervous, as I would have imagined.  
But like this is the only truth he knows for certain and  
"I love you"  
ain't a bad truth to have.

He kisses me softly, holding my hand  
my hip,  
pressed as close against me as he can and all the breath in  
my lungs  
disappears.

He kisses me firm on  
my lips,  
trailing down  
my neck,  
leaving a wet trail in his wake and me breathless.

His hands tangle in  
my hair,  
moving  
my head  
to where he wants it.

It's like he's just realised that I want him as much as  
he wants me.  
That I love him as much as  
he loves me.  
That this is a love I feel all over my body.

 **8)**  
New York has been good to me.  
It gave me a family; Clary, Simon, Maia,  
Alec.  
And a home and a life  
beyond what anyone thought possible of me.

Alec and I have sex every night,  
then I go to a job I love every morning,  
and every afternoon Maia and I do lunch.  
My life is perfect.  
Everything is perfect.

And then Alec and I have our first fight.  
He wants me to meet his family but I don't think  
I'm there yet.  
He tells me that he's met mine  
so what's the difference?

But there is a difference.  
To meet Alec's family would be to solidify myself in his life  
and I have never done that before.  
I have never been the boyfriend who golfs with your father and  
sweet talks your mother.

I like where Alec and I are at and  
I don't want to do anything to complicate it.  
I like dating (and fucking) and hanging with our friends.  
I like kissing him on the subway on the way home from the bar and  
not caring who sees.

But Alec doesn't understand.  
I yell.  
He yells.  
It isn't pretty and for the first time in months and months and months  
I sleep in my bed alone.

 **9)**  
We apologise eventually -  
after three days, eventually -  
but I don't meet his parents and  
he doesn't press me to.  
We reach a bitter stalemate.

Maia tells me to stop being a pussy and just do it,  
but I just can't.  
Not yet.  
Not while New York city plays us symphonies at night before  
we sleep in one bed.

Or not.  
And that is our stalemate.  
Alec touches careless and free and constant,  
but lately he is reserved, hands stuck to his sides as though to  
touch me is to give too much away.

In retaliation I do not kiss him in the hollow of his collarbone  
just the way he likes.  
And it is acerbic -  
we are razor sharp and venomous -  
for a long time.

Until Alec has the audacity to as me if  
I still love him.  
And all I can do is apologise with my whole body  
that he would ever doubt it because he is  
everything.

And then,  
well then,  
then he asks me why I am unwilling to commit and I tell him:  
to be young and in love in New York city  
is to not care where the night takes you so long as you are together.

 **10)**  
I realise too late that a love you feel with your whole body  
turns into a sadness you feel all the way to your bones.  
And suddenly I am forced to care where I am going  
because he is not by my side anymore.  
My benevolent New York has turned cold and bitter.

And selfish.  
Maia tells me that Alec and I just weren't ready for each other  
yet.  
We met in a bar and our time was as fleeting as the alcoholic  
buzz.

I spent a long time begging for him to stay.  
Just for a while.  
And please -  
And I don't want to lose you -  
And you're the best thing that's ever happened to me -

But it all came down me meeting his family.  
That was his ultimatum.  
But I just couldn't do it, and so he just couldn't stay.  
He is only across the city, but it feels like continents away.  
And New York has turned it's back on me tonight.

Alec changed me, I think.  
He made me realise things about myself and about others,  
about how people want to be treated in order for them to treat  
you right. So I suppose  
I am thankful to him for that.

And my dear Alec,  
it is a bittersweet irony that,  
after all this time,  
I have finally learned,  
what to do with you.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a thing.
> 
> I wanted to write this in a kind of unique way, and I've just finished reading a book called One by Sarah Crossan (can be found on goodreads [here](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25366338-one) (was amazing btw)) and I wanted to try and write in a similar sort of style and this appeared.
> 
> I don't know if maybe Jace is a little OOC? It's an au but I think I may have been pushing it a bit. I kind of imagined Stutter Keely from The Spectacular Now (also available on goodreads [here](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17620971-the-spectacular-now) and also amazing) but IDK?!?!?!
> 
>  **Prompts?**  
>  So, I have severe writers block at the minute and so in order to try and stimulate my writing juices (that is a weird sentence, I apologise) I’m opening myself up to prompts and requests for writing. I don’t really write smut, but I can try should the prompt inspire me. Also, I will try to write Supernatural but I mostly know what happened in season one and whatever is fanon so perhaps don’t suggest those unless there’s a really good prompt you think of. I’m looking for shorter stuff, one-shots only. Some may inspire a multi-chap fic, but that’s not really what I’m hoping for right now. If there’s a certain ship or fandom you’re interested in just ask and I’ll see what I can do. If you're interested please message me on one of the social media listed below, it is muchly appreciated!  
> ~or~  
>  **PROMPT IDEA**  
>  Send me a song and a prompt!  
> t’s a cool way to hear about new music and I’ll actually get some writing done this year!  
> Lemme know in the comments or on the social media listed below!
> 
> If you want to message me my Instagram is @Favefangirl and my Tumblr is [nebulous--bounds](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nebulous--bounds) I'm more than happy to answer any questions, maybe fill any prompts or just generally converse with you lovely people. Be sure to follow me, too, if you want! I'm mostly multi-fan and I blog a lot about writing (especially on Tumblr). You can also follow me on Pinterest [here](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/Favefangirl/).
> 
> If you enjoyed it you might want to leave a kudos or a comment. Or if you didn't enjoy it. Please, dear God, comment - I am so lonely... I also accept concrit if there's something about this that's bugging you that you wanted to tell me, just make sure it's constructive.
> 
> It would be really cool if you read some of the other works in the prompt series, y'know, if you've got a few minutes.
> 
> Have a wonderful existence!


End file.
